The Revolution wrote: I'll say it again: if he's such a great catch, why aren't women beating a path to his door? Ever see how women act when they want something?
About how women act when they want something, I have a story about that. This is just one girl, but the experience stands out to me because of how almost farcically stereotypically it ran its course. In AIT (Advanced Individual Training for you non-Army folks), this girl, I'll call her H, asked me to sit with her one day at lunch. For the next 2 months, we ate every meal together and basically spent a lot of our free time together. H and I talked a lot, and we had the discussion about what girls want. I was younger then and it was a fresh topic for me; she said all the basic stuff about girls wanting a 'nice' guy. I thought we were becoming friends, and was encouraged by the fact she sought me out. I worked over-time to be considerate, sensitive, and a gentleman. I didn't have relationship feelings for her at first but by the end of those two months I was ready to ask her out on a date. Nothing big, just a movie, but it was a big step for me. It didn't hurt that H's roommate and best friend in AIT told me I should do so and that I was "good for her". The day that I thought H and I were both ready for this step up - I read all signs as positive - it turned bad. That night, I was sitting next to her in a review for a critical PE (practical exercise), when I noticed her sending these gooey glances to the back of the room. After the PE review, she went to this guy - E - and was all over him, offering to help him for the PE. E wasn't all that enthusiastic about her; he had actually rejected H about a month before she first invited me to sit with her at lunch. As far as I know, E never did a thing to encourage her advances. She made her decision on her own. I hold nothing against him; while E was a full-time jerk, we were civil, and he was open and honest as a jerk. She was persistent the second time around, though, doing the things many infatuated women in AIT did for their men: she studied with him, she shined his boots, washed and ironed his uniforms, a hundred other favors, and dressed up and went out with him on weekends. E eventually accepted her as his girlfriend, and if that sounds snippy, I say it like that because he never changed one bit for her, and talked almost dismissively of her. They argued all the time, which struck me, because H and I never argued. The morning after that PE review night, I waited for her after PT (physical training - our morning work-out) to go to breakfast just like we did every day after PT. She didn't show up, and when I called her room from the CQ (Charge of Quarters, like a reception area) desk, H's roommate answered and told me to go on to breakfast without her. I didn't get the hint and I waited for her after PT the next day, too, but we never ate another meal together again. H and I spoke maybe one more time for the rest of AIT.
Maybe I was blind and stupid, but I had no warning and didn't accept the obvious right away. The weekend after that PE review, 2 days later, I sat next to H in the day (barracks TV) room and asked her out to a movie. She kind of frowned and slid away from me. While we were spending time together, she gave no indication she still had any feelings for E. In fact, she told me in a conversation early on she was over him. A training company is a small intimate community, and after they were together, I couldn't help but watch H with him. She always gave these gooey looks to him that I never once received from her, she spoke to him in a tone of voice that's hard to describe (cloying?), and she always seemed to do her best to be attentive to him. He never changed a bit for her. I remember standing close by once when he shouted at her, "Why do you follow me everywhere?".
I'm only fortunate that I wasn't too far gone on H. I was furious for one night, and it still hurt some afterwards, but I was able to let her go quickly. The experience stands out to me because it played out the stereotype in a time when I was still very optimistic and idealistic in my relationship beliefs. The lesson H taught me is that a girl will act on her desire, or lack of desire, regardless of how the guy treats her. The lesson can be reversed to apply to guys, true, but it's a lesson about girls I still had to learn. I know now that losing a girl's favor doesn't necessarily mean, as I used to think, that I didn't treat her well enough. If a girl likes me, I could do a fraction of my usual effort, and she'd still treat me great. On the other hand, I could give a girl my soul, and it wouldn't matter if she didn't like me.
As far as the first thing you said, about if I'm such a great catch, etc., I've been wondering about that lately myself. There's this disparity in my life, where many people, men and women, tell me, basically, that I'm a good guy. I get more than enough respect, personally and professionally, more than I probably deserve. Except with relationships, I feel I have a pretty good handle on my life. The consensus seems to be that I ought to be in a good relationship. None of that translates into actual relationship success, though.
Eric
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